Just a Puppet Without Strings

Sigh…

mattatastic:

angry birds owns my life

I wish I could pass certain levels so that it could own my life. jealous.

FML

Excitement

I’m so excited about being in Orlando- that I shake. When you need a Xanax in order to control yourself about a upcoming event, you need to calm down. I just can’t help it!

Furthermore; All my of my friends from high school and the old days are getting married and producing offspring. It’s disturbing to me on so many levels- mostly because it makes me feel old. Keep on poppin’ those babies out y’all but I just started my life, so I’m going to live it first.

Also, making playlists for my iPod to listen too for the 10+ hour duration of my trip is a lot of fun and makes me smile. Ah, the little things!

Live, Laugh, Love - I can’t wait to see that sign that says ‘Welcome to Florida’

Yo!

Need to tell you peeps (Rebecca in particular) that I deleted my facebook due to it consuming my life. So now you must be forced to call or text. A email is fine too.

jaredfields@mac.com

PS. The most liberating feeling ever is deleting your Facebook.

Vent

I realize that part of my internal problems is that I do not talk about things that are racing through my mind. Perhaps if I just talked about things I would not be so depressed all the time. Everyday I log onto Tumblr, and I click Text… then I stop. I think ‘does anyone want to read this’, ‘is this being negative’… etc. BUT here is the thing, its my blog… so read it or not. Welcome to America!

When do you know when to be the bigger man? That’s such a hard realization to come too for me because when I am in a situation where I have to make that decision I am making a point. So I struggle with being the bigger man because I feel like maybe if I do that, my point will not be made. Make sense? None the less I have been struggling with that for a couple days now, and I concluded that today was the day that I be the bigger man. However I became the bigger man only under my terms, I always have terms lol.

It’s impossible to live with someone and try to avoid them simultaneously, I learned that lesson through this whole situation that I have been dealing with. Erin will concur with me on that. Even though the situation is not rectified AT ALL, and even though I still feel the same way, I refuse to hibernate in my room and tip-toe around, this is my home and I refuse to feel uncomfortable, I refuse to let those energies consume me for the fear of sending those energies out to someone else. Thus… today I was the bigger man.

Only time can heal the wounds, if they can be healed; but at least I can come home now and be ok. Home is where you are supposed to find sanctity and peace… so after pondering it for a while it only made sense, the picture was clear. I did it.

You ever watch Sex and the City the Movie? I am watching it now and its the end and she is contemplating calling Big… she needs too, its time for her to be the bigger man too. I really wish that I could convey the shaking, relief, nervousness, anxiety, etc that I am feeling with each key stroke, but I can’t. I can however convey the fact that I feel so much better doing it. Maybe I should write more often. It feels good. Erin was right. I love Erin. I love Chad too sooo much, he helped me to this realization one real-life story at a time today. Thank you! I can haz wundorful frwends? Yes.

Thanks for listening, don’t judge me either! lol.

It’s now time for Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters… in my home, peacefully.

Live, Laugh, Love - I want a diet cherry pepsi.

This Location

It is very clear to me that I live in the bible belt with one login of my Facebook. Looks like a southern baptist witnessing session has thrown up all over my news feed. It also makes it that more clear to me that I don’t belong here.

Happy ‘Good Food Eating’ Day to you all as well.

 just decided that the maximum number of home screens that i feel comfortable with having is three. four or more is too much to deal with.

trying to be positive

Chad is not at work today. This is not cool. Come back Cleverdirt